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20110711
20110711
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, this is "the daily show with jon stewart." captioning sponsored by comedy central [theme song playing] [applause] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show." my name is jiewrtdment we each got a show for you tonight. thank you very much. we have a show for you tonight. i'm telling you, it is a show the pope would tweet about. my guest tonight is louis ck. very few of you know this, but the ck is short for [bleeped] [laughter] yeah, man. all day we're here writing, all day. but we begin tonight with news out of illinois. you may remember about a year ago former governor rod blah... [stumbles over name] toured the country promising he'd be vindicated of all charges. he visited the "daily show" where i made a promise to him. again, if you get off scot-free, there's a hug waiting for you. >> i'm determined to work even harder to get that. >> jon: well, tonight i have some very good news to report. i will not have to hug rod blagojevich. [cheering and applause] and here's why: >> in chicago today, the jury said guilty 17 times as the former illinois governor rod blagojevich was convicted of attem
show with jon stewart." captioning sponsored by comedy central [theme song playing] [cheering and applause] >> jon: welcome to the dail show. my name is jon stewart. our guest tonight, dr. cameron diaz. that will make sense later on in the program. you will see. she has graciously agreed to perform a surgical procedure on... [laughter] on tonight's program. a quick word before we get going to the tourist community, to the visitors to this great land of ours. if you've been here eight months, you live here. you live here. you're not from venezuela. [cheering and applause] donde esta you're mine. seven years of spanish, all i remember. [laughter] donde esta. let's begin tonight perhaps in america, the land of opportunity, where the streets are paved with let's say cinnabuns. [laughter] and yet we are nation besieged with problems, problems we must solve. problem number one, our gooey, rat-infested cinnabun-paved streets. why did we do that? that was a dopey material to pave our streets with. [laughter] we're going to need common-sense solutions to our problems if we're not just
that jon stewart, because of what he did, is a racist. i don't believe that, but i'm going to tellcaptioning sponsory comedy central >> stephen: tonight the fcc rules about whether i can talk about my pac on the air. spoilary all right, i'm talking about my pac on the air. then, can we trust pakistan to find out i'll close my eyes and fall into their arms. (laughter) >> stephen: and my guest timothy garton ash believes reporting the facts can change the course of history. then again, so can wikipedia. a french couple has adopted a 265 pound gor la. and in tomorrow's news, a french couple is malled by newly orphanned gor la. this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome to the report, everybody! thank you for joining us. thank you, everybody. stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: beautiful, thank you so much, everybody. you're too kind. (cheers and applause) >> stephen: folks, thank you, thank you here, up there, i want to say i had to any half -- thieves who
and and hoping jon stewart we'll say anything mean about your will like you. conservatives don't care about what people around them think that is why liberals still believe in god. >> >> would buy sign young conservatives with college? >> don't go to law school. >> he would be throwing your wife oil that the liberals go to law school. unless he will be a scumbag trial lawyer you will not make that much money you'll be working weekend for the rest of your lives and there i say did you know, you'd be doing this? and is said job that you did not know existed. i know what it is. the person who designs food for tv commercials so it looks attractive come up on the play, the lighting. there are a lot of jobs out there. young conservative should go into the media to become public school teachers and the pay is fantastic by the way. [laughter] college professors and republicans could teach me a few tricks if you're on a college campus, you are apparently not going with the flow. and that is very first-aid the bathetic this locking up to their professors. teacher another example of homophobia in hamlin.
Search Results 0 to 3 of about 4

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